You Are Your Own Greatest Obstacle

I have been breaking down the walls of excuses, so today if someone were to ask what is the greatest obstacle in your life? Why do you think you haven’t reached your goals? Do you think there are things preventing you from attaining your dreams? To answer, I would stand in front of a mirror (a skinny mirror) and in lipstick (color doesn’t matter) write obstacle, and then point.

My writing partner, Emily, left for Costa Rica to work about three weeks ago, I think. We were partners in the sense that we would meet once a week and sit down and write, but we didn’t work on projects together. It was this small commitment to meet which promised that at least once a week I would write. I haven’t written since she left. I’m not sure what I’ve been doing, scrounging for work, but still that shouldn’t mean I don’t write. I haven’t even journaled! I usually journal at least. I’d like to blame Emily, but seriously I just need to stand in front of my skinny lipstick scrawled mirror and point.

My skin has been bothering me like it doesn’t fit. That ever happen to any of you? Like you woke up in the wrong body or something? I think it’s the most bizarre feeling. It never feels too big for me it tends to feel too small, I guess that’s a good psychological/ metaphysical arena, meaning- “my spirit is just too gi-normous for my meager being”. Or maybe I have one to many personalities shoved in my short body, and that’s not so good going all Sybil and stuff.

Anyway, as always my obstacled self has great intentions to get back to revising my book- hah- and this is a great big HAH. I guess my brain is like, well we only said we would finish the second draft, its not as if we said we would actually finish finish the book. God, I should start referring to myself as precious.

It’s not as if we promised to complete the book precious

I do have a new project partner but I’ve been lacking on my end of the bargain as far as supplying titles, I started off strong and then fizzled. I have a new writing group that starts on Monday, so hopefully that commitment will get my brain voices unified and I started another Write Around Portland workshop. I have a group of 12 teens, or youth or young adults what ever society wants to label them. I tend to say kids but I use it very loosely basically everyone’s a kid, even myself at times, but I prefer to call them by their names and call them teenagers cause that what it was called when I was one- I’m a fuddy duddy I guess. I think everyone is around 16 and 17. They get bored easy so I’m not allowed to be lazy or it loses its strength as writing group and becomes social hour with potential for teenage chaos- which although can be entertaining, is not the goal of the workshop. It’s a delicate balance. The greatest irony is that I am encouraging them to write, to be writers to use the power of their voices and never give up on themselves, yet I’m always struggling just to get my ass in a chair to write. The teachers I had always admired the most were the ones that actually did what they taught. Perhaps I should start projecting my teenage self into the workshop and start lighting my own fire as I attempt to light the fire of others.

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