A Good Night

It is late, and I’m still wide awake after the show. It was such a good night. The audience was full, and we all were connected with the show, and it finally, finally hit me: oh my god I am going on tour, I will be traveling through Canada, I will be acting, oh my god I’m an employed actor! Tonight was particularly great because there was this one piece I wasn’t getting right, and I new it. One problem was that it was written by someone else, and I felt like she wanted me to do it her way (which she may or may not have) and the other problem was the blocking; I just wasn’t comfortable with it. I have to say my lines and climb up these blocks and it was always so awkward, and clunky, and I never felt very connected, I couldn’t nail the character because I didn’t know the character, I didn’t make her mine. We have to cut parts of the show to make it the right time limit for the fringe, and they are thinking of cutting Pandora; which is that scene. It was odd because I kind of hated it, what the awkwardness, the inability to find the heart of it, but having her cut hit me funny. Well, my ego first of course because, I knew or suspected it was because it is the weakest of all the pieces, but I also felt suddenly sad. Like, I didn’t do her justice, I didn’t allow her to grow, and I just couldn’t leave her like that, so I was determined that if this was the last weekend with Pandora, that I was going to nail her I was going to hold her up to the light, I was going to find her, and bring her out. I spent all day at the temp office (I had nothing to do and no one was there, luckily) going over the scene breaking it down, and find its heart its soul, and then I showed up at the theatre, and reworked the blocking, and tonight, tonight, it happened, I found her. There is this incredible feeling on stage, when you finally find the truth, and not only that but you say it, and you say it with conviction, and you fight to the bitter end to get that story out, and afterward, there is nothing better to describe it other than euphoric and thankful. I am so thankful that I finally recognized the heart of the piece and that at least for two more days, I can make her, it, and my performance of this piece shine. I can do her justice.

In other words, some people from Write Around Portland came to the show, and they gave me a full report on my kids from my workshop! I am so proud of them so, so proud. Keosha, who I always called K, but now I can say her name, since she is the featured writer for Write Around Portland. Eeee, if you could hear me you would have known I just squealed in delight and pride. She has her bio, poem and interview here, and you should check it out. It seriously, is so rewarding to work with these kids, and I know its hard, and there were days when I thought, what am I doing here? Do they like this do they hate it, why isn’t anything ready, do we have a room? But at the end, when the kids have their books with their published writings, and the school shows up and they read, man, every up and down is worth it, so worth it.

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