Last night was the first time in nearly four months, since the tour ended, that Inviting Desire got together. We have one final show this weekend, and then its closing- for good. Dance Naked Productions and a new work of Inviting Desire will reappear in the spring, but as for my part, as a writer and actor, it is the final production. I’m not certain at this point if I will or would get back into theatre. The desire (to borrow the word) I once had for the stage, isn’t there any longer, but each production is different, still I’m not going to be chasing any ambitious dreams of auditioning. It’s a relief to let that dream go. Sounds weird- letting a dream go? It is. I had wanted to be an actress for so many years, but never had the confidence to ferociously pursue it, and you need to be ferocious. Now, after the tour, and the performances, I have realized that the passion was gone. It may be ensemble work. I’ve never been big on ensemble work, I didn’t know that till I performed, but I think I’m a bit of a traditional junkie. Could be a short coming, but who cares.
I’ve got a rough time commitment week. Between working at the store, and rehearsals I have two meetings with groups for Write Around Portland. Today, I am in downtown Portland meeting once again with organizers from New Avenues, Outside In, Portland Center stage and Write Around Portland. Then on Wednesday I head out to North East Portland to meet with one of the Sun schools about working with middle school kids. These commitments will lead into the end of March and then I may need to take a volunteer break, since my rent, and stomach, and student loans demand it.
On my own, I have a new job writing, connected to the store, and I am working on my novel. I completed the detailed profiles for the main two characters, and I am now working on Endres, a character from Norway. I love research, and that nerdy quality has benefited me in the process of creating honest and true characters. I’ve never been to Norway, so I have been doing all of this research on the country; its history and what not, yes this can end up being a distracter from actually writing the story, but I like the information, although, I am wondering how much Enders would pay attention to his country’s history. He’s well-educated I know that much. There is no way to get out of Norway with out a good education. Word of warning though: When searching for information on Norwegians you may possibly stumble across a white supremacist site or two. No joke. It was at that moment I thought, “oh shit the feds are gonna break down my door confiscate my computer see that I had the said, WP thread on my history, and I’m charged with hate crimes and membership fees.” Why the feds would be at my door, I don’t know. So, anyway, it can happen, porn and white supremacy, you gotta watch your search terms I guess. I’m not even sure exactly what I put in. I was looking for information on Kven people who are a minority in Norway, they are people of Finnish decent. Why am I doing this? Well I want to now where Endres is from his family history, he was born and raised in Oslo, but is he from a long line of Norwegians? Is he Kven is he Sami? Where is his family from? I use my imagination, of course, but a little information about the place is good. Oh! I have my old National Geographics there is a good source of information.