It is hard for me to put my finger on 2010. I wouldn’t say it was the worst year of my life, but it was a year that I noticed everyone around me changing. Meaning their lives were developing or changing in huge ways. Children were born, people got married or started relationships, some people started new careers and many moved away. I felt like everyone was having a life change, except me. I never felt more stagnant. In my working environment I reached new levels of depression about where I am right now and real feelings of loss in regard to my ability to have faith in myself in my hope to get out of my job and finally be where I want to me. I felt resigned, that as I am growing older my dreams and my wishes, my ideas of love and family and my hope for an intentional fulfilling life were fading away. Whether these feelings were valid or true in reality is all a matter of my own warped self perception.
Yet, there were some fairly important moments. I moved. I got accepted into a writing program. I produced two showcases that helped me to pay for most of my school. I can say I almost entirely paid for my writing school through art. I have finally-FINALLY- reached up to 84 pages in my novel that I can give to an editor and say, “okay what work needs to be done?” or “Is it ready?” Also my roommate gave me fleece sheets for christmas which is awesome because I am not freezing this winter, and the year ended on the Oregon coast which was the best thing to happen all year. And, my parents were relatively healthy happy and sane this year- so that was good.
I read a lot of books, watched a lot of movies, and that was about it. Some of my favorite movies were: (many are old) Another State of Mind (doc); Crazy Love (doc); My Flesh and Blood (Doc); Winter Soldier (Doc); Children Underground (Doc); Bright Star; Moon; Godsford park; The Wrestler; Y Tu Mamá También; The Hurt Locker; Inception and The Fighter. Tv shows were, The Walking Dead and the BBC’s Skins.
My wishes for this year 2011? A new job, something that pays me well, something that I love and something that is enriched, dipped like a chocolate cone and overflowing in the art world- please. No more retail, no more service and no more starving and not being able to buy a decent pair of shoes.
I want to finish my novel, get it published, start a new one, and work on new works in short stories and maybe screenwriting.
I want some writing retreats, some writing gigs, some dance, some acting, some painting and theatre, some music and some intellectual stimulation. Immersion is what I am looking for artistic immersion. What more can I learn, and can I retain it?
I want to loose 15 pounds.
I want new shoes, and maybe a new outfit.
Travel. This would be a great gift. I would love to go back to Prague, maybe go to Paris, yeah, I have big wishes.