Letting Go of the First Novel

I have read that many authors can go over and over and over their work and still never think that it is done. I guess that can be true of many arts; painting for instance, but you have to know when to stop or you’ll only do one thing over and over (Which may not be bad if that’s what you want to do).

I finished Zizkov, my novel a little over a month ago, and I finished it again last night. I had some kind of writers block right after I completed the book and graduated from my writing course. I don’t know if it was a block, I just didn’t want to write. I couldn’t get myself to sit down and write. So I didn’t. For about a month and a half I only wrote my work blog, because I had too, other than that there was nothing happening. I felt bad about it. I wondered if this was what a block was… except I didn’t feel blocked I felt… I didn’t know what I felt I just didn’t feel like writing.

When this happens, when I feel a real distance from writing I feel guilty. Like it is proof that I am not a writer. Which is funny because it is not like anyone is sitting here judging me except me. You’d think I could put a lid on the whole guilt bit. Maybe I just didn’t feel like writing and I should leave it at that. Maybe one day writing will be my job and I wont have the option to just blow it off, but right now I have the freedom to feel sorry for myself and to wallow in the self pity that is the unknown unpublished writer. It is a freedom, strangely it is. When I look at it like that I suddenly feel like writing.

So, I wrote and I finished my novel again, for the last time I think, unless I get some feedback, that requires some changes. Now I’m just reading it for pleasure to see if it is a book I like (and that’s weird), but an even better thing happened. I started working on a new story. A Screenplay this time and what has happened is that I’m done with Zizkov. I’ll send it out, and if everyone rejects it I’ll do the self publishing bit and give some books to friends, but I don’t care if its read by the masses or not because I’m writing a new story. I did send Zizkov out to a publishing house called Snowbooks. They are located in England. What was nice about them is that I got to send the entire manuscript, and that felt good because even if it isn’t read I can pretend that someone is reading it, which is an easier illusion than sending out a query and hoping someone will ask you to send your book for a read.

Once I finish my own read (catching any errors of course can’t help that) I’ll print out a copy send it to my mom, and keep sending it out to the “people in the know” and then forget about it till it is time for me to publish it myself as a Christmas gift (ha! ha!) and I’ll work on this new script.



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