Am I a writer?
Who isn’t? If everyone who does the actual act of writing, good or bad is a writer, then aren’t we all technically writers? It seems the only way to not be a writer is to not write at all.
We’re not all doctors or lawyers, but in a way, we all can be writers. I don’t know if I feel like claiming the title even if I have a certificate that says that I am a “Master Writer”. I find the whole attachment of a titled identity a huge mental debacle, and it’s been stressing me out. Are we only identified and valued by what we get paid to do? If that is so then I’m a sales clerk. I may be having an identity crises or nervous breakdown or something. I’m what you would call confused.
This post has no focus, except to say, I still haven’t bothered to try and publish my novel and I probably wont. I don’t think there is any necessity or value in it. It’s kind of weird. I don’t think writing a novel is really all that much of an accomplishment. I think writing a good novel is pretty spectacular, but good has to be judged from the outside and I’m not interested in finding out if what I write is good or bad… I think I may be suffering from writer’s depression. This writing funk which is not the same as being blocked, being blocked is not being able to write, writer’s depression is when a writer says, “what’s the point”. I’ve been in this funk for awhile, but I’ve still been writing here and there, I continue to read, but I feel writing is a waste of time more specifically my writing.
I’m hoping to combat this writing depression head on by signing up with NaNoWriMo. Which I did. Only it isn’t exactly what I had thought it was. I thought it was this public writing space where whatever I write is there in the public (like blogging). My thinking was that I would be accountable to write a certain number of words, and that it would be up in the open to be read, good or bad, but public, and forcing me write and share; but it isn’t like that. You write on your own then send in the word count. You can get online friends or involved with your local NaNoWriMo community, but this is really putting me back to exactly where I am now: accountable only to myself, and right now my self doesn’t care if I write a novel in a month or not because self sees no point.
I’m going to have to trick myself somehow. I have three other blogs that I continually neglect. One of them is called My Short Story Workshop. My idea is to write my november novel there. I’ll fool myself into thinking I have a writing platform that is public plus get the word counts, and spell checks without the isolation of handwritten journaling and Word. Good idea? Good enough.
I don’t have a story and it is already the second day into the month of November. I wonder if I can write a story without having a story? I guess its just the word count that matters. I don’t care too much about completing a novel because I spent a long time working on one that at one time had been important to me, and I finished that novel, what I hope to get out of it is some kind of rekindling or reminder of why I write.