The Accidental Vagabond

This is my memoir. It’s my history of the past eleven years of my life, and (growing till death) I’ve decided, well, hell, I’d like to finish this book. So I reorganized, and I deleted, and I created categories that are really chapters, and I enjoyed the cleansing. I got rid of all of the pleading, because I could read it in my writing. I could hear the pleading in my voice. Please like me. Please like what I’m writing. You. You out there like me. Please save me and tell me I matter. All of that. I felt it come off the internet pages of this blog, like a noxious gas. A little sickening and a little sad.

All of that was important. I needed to plead, and I needed to read and reflect on it all these years later with a kinder more compassionate self -perspective. I’m just a human. I needed to see that I had wanted to be more then just a simple human, and I wanted you to tell me; tell me that I was special. But, you never did. And I’m glad you didn’t because how would I learn? So, it’s changing. The voice is changing, and you, audience will either grow or remain the same or get smaller, but it doesn’t matter because I’m just here to write some stories. I’m on a journey to find out how I got here. How did a kid raised on welfare, with seemingly no chance of a decent future end up traveling and living in foreign countries? I want to know. I need to find out how.

So don’t look to me for travel tips, or wisdom, or information because you won’t get any of that. If I can help it you’ll also see a lot less rantings and raving, and please, please, no more pleading. I’m searching for a new voice, my voice a real voice one that is not seeking your approval, but would certainly love your acceptance and your cheers, and even your thoughtful feedback, but your approval is not necessary. You or your great big unknown plural YOU out there.

Perhaps, one day when I’m long dead, this little time capsule of my life will resurface, and someone will learn something about what it was to live this little corner of my life. Perhaps not. Either way it doesn’t matter because I feel relief at finally seeing what this is all about.

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4 thoughts on “The Accidental Vagabond

  1. Thank you for the like and the follow, it is very encouraging. Terry.
    P.S. If the answer to this question is yes then you are a writer and not a hobbyist……………. do you have to write?

    1. leta1950

      This is a tricky answer for me. Do I have to write? Have to? It’s more like I can’t help it. If I’m not writing stories or poems, which I want to write, but often don’t, I journal. I write in my journal almost daily which is why I don’t always blog. So yes, I have to write. But, when I think about the play I want to write, and the adaptation I want to write, or the poems in my head, and all of the short stories, and the next novel, all the stuff that wont come out because I think about how no one will ever read them- I feel comfortable with my writing as a hobby idea. I hope it will trick me into writing all of my ideas. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
      Thanks Terry. I look forward to reading more of your posts, and thanks for liking my Zizkov excerpt. I really appreciate that- talk about encouraging.

  2. Adrienna,
    various google searches led me to your blog and I’m grateful for it. I really love your haunting video of Sue as well as your letters from an old friend section…she was incredibly special to me…an unofficial godmother (she hated that term) to my son. Will you send me an email? Would love to back channel a few things. PS also saw your post on Pollock. The Krasner bio is just out and it is fantastic. Warmly, Aby

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